An international study of 15,000 penises reveals the average penis size and should go some way to reassure men they are within a normal range says William J Wood.
Few news items arouse quite so much interest amongst the male population as the recent survey on average penis size (published in the BJU International). Up and down the country I bet men are grabbing hold of tape measures, cranking up their bits and seeing how they compare to the national average. I confess I am one of them. However before declaring my own position on the size scale, I sought advice from Taoist teacher, sex educator and source of deep sexual wisdom, Uta Demontis.
Here are her answers to some of those pressing questions…
Why do you think men are so obsessed with the size of their penis?
Men perceive size to be a sign of masculinity and this hard-wired into the male mindset. Most men like to compare and compete not just in terms of penis size but in terms of most things – cars, houses, pay packets; in fact this is their default setting. A bigger penis is thought to be a sign of virility and an ability to please women. And let’s not forget that men really do want to please women: their sexual self-esteem relates strongly to this. Sadly so many men believe that the bigger their penis the better than can satisfy their women. And this stems from a lack of basic sex education.
In your work with male clients how many have asked about the relative size of their penis?
About one in four of my male clients bring this issue up – all worried that their penis is too small. It is very much top of the list when it comes to male body image issues.
How accurate do you think men are in their assessment of their size? Do men over or underestimate how big they are?
More often than not they underestimate their relative size and think they are smaller than others. In reality only a very, very few men actually have a penis that is small enough to hamper their and their partner’s sex lives.
Why do men think of size mainly in terms of length and not girth?
It is simply because length is more visible and more easily compared.
When women see men naked for the first time, do they really look at men’s bits? Do they look as much as men do at women’s bits?
This is the key thing that men need to understand, but find it so difficult. Women are not as genitally or as visually driven as men, so they will tend to look at the whole body and not just the bit between their legs. And it might not be in any comparative way: they are unlikely to be rating them against some movie star or celebrity. What appeals to them could be a curve in the back, the shape of their buttocks, the way they stand – the confidence in their pose, or the smile on their face.
Does size really matter for women?
No. No. No. Have I said it enough times for it to register? Size really does not matter. The most important thing is the man behind the penis and his ability to connect emotionally and sexually with his partner. So, the vital assets are his skills of presence, touch, massage; his understanding of women’s sexuality and his sensitivity and passion. Indeed, if a man is a bit on the big side it is likely to be more of an issue as it can lead to less comfortable sex. Men need to move away from comparing themselves to others. They should instead celebrate their own uniqueness. Every penis is wonderful in its own, individual way. And men should also know that the most sensitive part of the vagina is at the entrance. So size really does not come into it at all.
You say that there is there a downside for men who might be a bit on the big side? And if so what tips could you give them?
They must be very gentle and careful and make sure their partner is fully aroused before they try to make love. They should be especially aware that if they are having intercourse from behind they need to be especially sensitive. Lubrication is a must.
Do you think it’s important to circulate this survey and will it do any good?
It is definitely a really good idea. I hope that this survey reassures a large number of men and starts to move the discussion away from size (let’s face it, the survey suggests that the vast majority of men have a penis of about the same size, give or take a centimetre or two) and on to something more meaningful, like they way the connect with their partners. There is a long, long way to go to achieve this, and men are still likely to be hung up about size for many years to come, but I think this survey is the first and very important step in the right direction.
What impact do you think that porn has had on men’s perceptions of their bits and pieces?
This is an important question. As I have said earlier, men tend to compare and they inevitably do this with male porn actors, who are generally (but not exclusively) on the larger side. But they need to realise that porn may be good fun and a good way to get aroused, but it is not a good guide to sex and it does not reflect real life. If in any doubt, men should re-read my answers to all the earlier questions. I would also add that porn always shows men hard. But in reality erections ebb and flow and one is not a requirement all the time when making love!
So, what do you think is the most positive way forward for modern man to view his – and other men’s dangly bits?
Men should see themselves for what they are. They need to get out of the trap of doing the usual masculine thing of comparing and competing. They need to appreciate that it is the way they use it, what else they do and who they are that counts. Above all, they need to realise the importance of being able to connect, sexually and emotionally with women.
So, am I about to reveal my own position on the distribution curve? Which quartile do I find myself in?
Of course I am not going to say, there’s no point. It doesn’t matter; it is pretty irrelevant. As a modern man I hope I am beyond all that. And while I may have taken out a tape measure just to check, I think I’m pretty much the same as all men.
*So, as you’re clearly dying to know here is the average cock size. Science decrees 5.16″ long when erect, 4.6″ wide and when flaccid, 3.6″ long and 3.7″ girth.
